I have a feeling that I am like a fish out of water. When I was in my home country, I thought that I was staying in a well while I should be in an ocean. Now I am living in a supposed-to-be ocean, the feeling has yet stopped occupying me. Ironically enough, being in a well is even better than being out of water. Being in a well, you still have some water to breathe in.
It is not true. Water is everywhere here. I can turn on the shower non-stop and stand under the water for half a day. I can drink as much as I can. People love water because it’s everywhere with no cost. Damn, I still have a feeling that I am out of water. Where is my water? The answer I guess does not lie in artificial sources of water, it should come within my cells.
This idiom “fish out of water” reminds me of a book’s title named “Saving fish from drowning”. I have never read this book but I was very much inspired by the talk of its author, Amy Tan. She said “saving a man from drowning then you will be responsible for the rest of his life”. Damn true, so stay away from people’s business. Hey, the connection between my rambling thoughts and this book’s title is, I guess, I am studying development which means I (should) make life of other people better. Better is so vague, what’s the fucking better mean? I guess the word is invented for those whose vocabulary is limited (like mine). When you know nothing to say, you say “better” just like you say “nice, good, wonderful” million times during any single day.
So when I said I am out of water, the first question should be asked is “So what’s wrong with you?”. Yeah, what’s wrong with me? I have nothing to complain about. I am living in a country that millions of people dreaming of setting their foot. I have education, not just primary, higher education in a world-class system which, I guess, any kind of degree produced from it can deceive anyone. I have family. I have friends. I have a wonderful boyfriend (I use singular form here). My health is good enough to climb up Mt. Washington (I am now in Pittsburgh and here Mt. Washington is as well-known as White House in DC). My appearance is definitely above the average, to be modest 
. So why shouldn’t I be happy? Why should a “nothing-to-worry-about” I can’t help crying in my heart? Well, I figure out here. Nothing’s wrong is fucking wrong.
But wait, what’s the connection between the above paragraph and the one above it, I should have a very bad score on my writing exam. No word is about neither “fish” nor “water”. Hold on, when I say “I have family”, I do think of my mother who loves fish of all kind. She is a great fish raiser. Her fish always double or triple themselves after only a few weeks. Her secret is, I guess, she never lets the fish out of water.
So why I let myself out of water?
